


Of 'Dead' Spy and Glitter Guns

by Foodmoon



Series: Of Tea and Glitter Guns and Cats [14]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Glitter guns, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-05 07:24:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14039145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foodmoon/pseuds/Foodmoon
Summary: Revenge is best served cold.





	Of 'Dead' Spy and Glitter Guns

Bond is off pretending to be dead, and Q is _pissed_. He doesn’t for a moment believe that Bond is dead, no matter that Moneypenny saw him fall to her bullet.

He _will not_ believe it.

If he believes it, he’ll have to believe he’s doing more than simply humoring Alec when he lets him curl up on his couch, looking as if he needs human company more than he needs air. He’ll have to tell his cats _(in response to their sad mews),_ that Bond isn’t coming back rather than _"he’ll be back when he’s finished sulking over life."_ And he’ll have to hold M accountable. He really doesn’t want to face dealing with blaming his boss for Bond’s demise.

So, instead, Q is _pissed._

First, he designs a glitter machine gun, but as weeks and months pass, he decides that’s not good enough for this level of callousness and designs others. R&D is quite happy to work with him on it. Q-branch seems to take his attitude as gospel and no more believes Bond dead than he does. Though R gives him confused glances now and then. Q doesn’t plan on explaining himself to R, however.

When Moneypenny passes the gossip that MI-6 has sold Bond’s flat, Q finds an excuse to go to M’s office and favor her with a judgmental stare and ‘casually’ drop the question of how she plans to explain herself to Bond when he returns.

She looks remarkably startled and gives him a searching stare. Whatever she finds in his face apparently satisfies her, because Q later hears that MI-6 has halted the sale of Bond’s estate.

Even Alec gives up moping eventually and turns to coaxing the cats to share space with him on the sofa.

Moneypenny still walks around looking haunted and guilty, but Q really can’t find it in him to go out of his way to inform her of what at least a quarter of MI-6 knows to be true. Bond _isn’t dead_ , just sulking. It could just be that Q’s holding a bit of a grudge that she’s the one who pulled the trigger, but he prefers to think of it as laziness and contributing to character building by letting her stew.

So, when Bond finally waltzes his arrogant self and his ego back into MI-6 like nothing happened, looking rough around the edges and tanner than someone of his complexion should really be able to get, Q is not surprised.

Q-branch is not surprised either, and the minions collect a rather large amount of winnings out of the MI-6 betting pool.

M is immovable.

Moneypenny looks like someone set off a flash-bomb near her face.

Alec punches Bond and rants at him in Russian. When that’s not sufficient, he switches to German and then Austrian and French. _(The minions take recordings of this with impressed looks, presumably to add to their own vocabularies of swear words and insults.)_

Quite naturally, Bond seems completely unphazed by this, bearing the attention with an insolent little smirk. The smirk lasts until he needs to be equipped for his next mission _(small and local)_ , and Q presents him with a ladies handgun and a spare clip of glitter bullets.

His expression falls so far that he looks like someone who has had his good Scotch swapped for coconut water. “Really, Q?”

Q gives him a seriously unimpressed look and raises his eyebrows. “Funny thing, 007. Your hands and voice seem to be in working order. There appears to be no impediment that has kept you from writing a letter, making a phone call, or if that was too strenuous for you amidst your sulking, taking a moment to wave at a public security camera. Given your new penchant for teenage dramatics and the parameters of the mission, this weapon was judged to be the best fit for you.”

He enjoys the faint wince and mournful expression the words draw and stares Bond down until the agent shudders and accepts the weapon without another protest.

_Revenge is sweet._

**Author's Note:**

> Think James actually _gets_ it this time?


End file.
